*New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains.
*Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.
*Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.
*Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
*The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.
*The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick, and choke.
*If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone 
 will pull up and ask for direction.
*Coffee machines only break down on the graveyard shift.
*You will remain in perfect health until your days off.
*No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full tank of gas.
*The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be assigned to you.
*Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.
*Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.
*You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion exam with only three positions.
*Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.
*NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.
*You will never get a bomb threat call until the squad is away on training.
*Word processors only delete reports when they are nearly done.
*You receive a subpoena for a major felony case scheduled for the first day of 
 your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
*Your squad car will only break down when you are outside your beat.
*You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.
*Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.
*No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes another's idea...usually the Chief's.
*If your raid is going well, you're at the wrong house
*The one time you cuss on the radio, your Chief will be listening
*Your overheads and siren will only fail during a pursuit
*The first sip from the first coffee of your shift always triggers the dispatcher to 
 send you on a call usually an emergency or something that will cause the coffee to go cold 
 before you can return to it.
*You will only get a citizen complaint when your video camera or tape recorder is broken.
*Your cars AM/FM radio will only go out when you have had only 4 hours of sleep before your shift.
*For every good deed done there is a Lawyer to undo it.
*Anyone opting for a foot chase is always carrying at least 20 pounds less than you are.
*When a cop does something right, no one remembers; When a cop does something wrong, no one forgets.
*The "big" pay raise will always come next year.
*Just when you get a nice brand new squad car, the first offender you pick up is going to be a 
 drunk that will get sick in the car.
*When you get old, with lots of experience, and need the peace and quiet, they will pair you up with a rookie!